Ever notice how your child stares blankly when you say "go play"? You're not alone. That simple phrase—one we all use daily—might actually be setting our kids up for failure rather than fun.
Through my work with both neurodiverse and neurotypical children, I've discovered a fascinating phenomenon: when we tell our kids to "go play" without specifics, we're unintentionally overwhelming them with too many choices. This creates what psychologists call "analysis paralysis"—that frozen feeling when too many options leave you unable to make any decision at all. Think about it: if someone told you to "go make dinner" with no further context, you'd have dozens of questions racing through your mind. Our children experience that same confusion with the seemingly simple instruction to play.
The solution I've developed transforms how children engage with their toys through a method I call "Go Play Forthwith." By specifying exactly what to play with and for how long, we eliminate the decision fatigue and give our children the structure they desperately need in our overstimulating world. Instead of "go play with your Legos," try "play with these specific Legos for 15 minutes and build a spaceship." The results are nothing short of magical—focused, happy children who know exactly what's expected and can fully engage in their play.
This episode unpacks why today's children need more structure than previous generations did, with practical examples of how to implement this approach for different ages, during playdates, and even during cleanup time. If you've been struggling with independent play in your home, this simple language shift might be the breakthrough you've been searching for. Subscribe for more practical strategies that make playtime easier and more joyful for everyone in the family!
What if I told you the phrase you probably say to your kids every single day could actually be making them less likely to play? Welcome to the Playroom Chronicles podcast, where toys spark imagination, learning and independent play. I'm Sharlee Deloach, a toy and play expert, but a mom just like you, navigating building blocks, puzzle pieces and snack crumbs every day, ever wondered which toy will actually get played with, or how do I keep my child engaged without a screen? You're in the right place. From ready-day rescues to skill-building superstars, this is your go-to for honest toy recommendations, real talk and play ideas that work, ready to turn chaos into creativity. One toy at a time, then. Welcome to the Playroom Chronicles podcast. Hey there, welcome back to the Playroom Chronicles podcast, and today I want to ask you this question how often have you told your child go play? And then they'll look at you completely confused, more bored, or don't even do it. I want to talk about why saying the phrase go play might actually be making things worse. Sounds backwards, right, but stick with me in this episode because I'm going to unpack exactly why that's true and what you can say instead to help your kids play more and better.
Charlene:
Now let me take you back a few years I was working closely with a neurodiverse child who was incredibly bright and curious and kind, but he was constantly struggling at school and his teachers frequently reported he wasn't following their directions. So one afternoon I visited his classroom and observed what was happening firsthand, and his teacher would say things like sit down and do your work or go write in your journal. Simple enough, right. But instead of starting he would just sit there, frozen, overwhelmed, seemingly unable to move. At first his teachers thought he was being stubborn or difficult, but something told me there was more to the story. So I sat down with him and gently asked what is happening. When the teacher asked you to write in your journal, and he quietly told me I don't know what she wants. Write about what? How much should I write? How long do I have to do it? For it was clear he wasn't refusing to do the work. He generally didn't understand what he was supposed to do, so the teacher started reframing the ask. She would say to him go sit down and write in your journal. Write three sentences and complete it in five minutes. Write about what you ate for breakfast. Once he had that clarity he did the work. But prior to that he was basically experiencing something called analysis paralysis.
Charlene:
It's that feeling when you're faced with too many choices, too little guidance or unclear instructions, seemingly at once leaving you frozen because you're unsure of how to move forward. In fact, you probably recognize this feeling. When the task is so vague and open-ended, you don't know how to begin. And that's when the light bulb went off in my head.
Charlene:
I realized how often we adults, myself included do the exact same thing to our kids at home. We say go play. And then expect our kids to figure out what to play with, how long to play or even where they should play. So let's try this example. I want you to think about what goes through your head after I say the following phrase you ready? Go make dinner. Now. What thoughts immediately flooded your mind? Probably something like wait, what am I supposed to make? Do I have the right groceries for it? Who's eating dinner tonight? What time does it have to be ready? That overwhelming feeling and all those questions that started running through your head is exactly what our kids feel when we say go play. In fact, another example is if I said to you go for a run, you probably wonder okay, well, where am I running. How long am I running for how many miles do I have to do this for? Yet we say go play and expect our kids, especially those who are neurodiverse, to magically figure it out.
Charlene:
Now, realizing all this stopped me in my tracks, because I had been telling my kids go play for years and never once thought about how confusing that actually might be for them. So I knew something had to change, and that's when I created a simple yet powerful new phrase and I called it go play forthwith. It literally means tell your child exactly how long to play for and exactly what to play with. Suddenly, my kids had clarity and confidence because they knew exactly what I was asking. There's no guesswork, there's no overwhelm. They just knew what to do during that play period. So, for example, instead of saying go play, or go play with your cars or go play outside, I'd say go play for 10 minutes with your police cars from the purple basket or go play for 20 minutes with your basketball in the driveway. And the reason this works so well was simple but powerful. My kids knew exactly what they were supposed to do, how long to do it for and where to do it. Suddenly, there was no confusion and it completely changed the energy in our house. So let me give you an example of how go play forthwith looked like in our life.
Charlene:
My son used to struggle with playing independently, especially with his huge Lego collection. It was just too overwhelming for him. So instead of saying go play with your Legos, and he would just wander around and then come back and say he was bored, I would set out one bucket and say, go play for 15 minutes with these Legos and build me a spaceship, and instantly he was engaged and happy and focused, and in fact, this also works really well for telling your kids, to quote unquote go clean up right or go pick up your toys. Use that same strategy, and I used to do that with my daughter, who hated cleanup time, but then, when I changed that phrase, she knew exactly what she needed to do and for how long, and suddenly cleanup became easy and peaceful too. I even started using this strategy during play dates. Instead of telling the kids just to go play, I suggest specific activity like go play for 20 minutes with the sidewalk chalk on the driveway and make a circus tent with five circus animals, and the results were magical happy, engaged kids who knew what to do and they played, and I hope you're seeing how this simple shift can help.
Charlene:
But let's talk about why it works and why things kind of changed, because you might be wondering why do we even have to do this now? Like when I was a kid, my parents would just to say go play and off I'd go. Well, here's the thing. Our world has changed a lot. When we were kids, life was simpler. We had fewer toys and fewer distractions. Hello social media, hello tablets and video games and all the things and TVs and whatnot. Our parents probably gave us more freedom to roam around outside to find friends to play with or create our own adventures with whatever was on hand.
Charlene:
We didn't have as much connection to technology, but today our kids are surrounded by that and endless choices and this constant distraction, and their days are also structured differently. At school, their environments are very structured and they're starting to need it at home as well. Plus, their environments are more stimulating and, honestly, it's a lot for young minds to process. It's no surprise that they feel overwhelmed when we simply give them this very open-ended phrase go play. So it's not like our kids are intentionally being difficult or stubborn when they don't play, after you tell them to, or they don't pick up after you tell them to. Often they just generally need clearer, simpler instructions and direction. So changing the phrase go play or even go pick up your toys into specific directions makes a huge difference.
Charlene:
So I want you to try it this week and here's your homework. It's easy, I promise. First pick a toy or activity and clearly state how long your child should play with your dinosaurs at the kitchen table and then use a specific timer. You can say like Alexa set a timer for 10 minutes. Or hey, siri, set a time for 10 minutes. Or just use a basic kitchen timer or a clock that you have around the house and then let them do it, and when the timer goes off, respect that the time has ended. Now, if your child does seem bored with the activity but still may be open to more play, you can gently offer something like would you like another 10 minutes with your dinosaurs, or would you like 10 minutes with something else, like puzzles or puppets? If they say no, respect their choice immediately.
Charlene:
Building trust and clear expectations here is crucial, even if you're like, oh gosh, I could just love it if they would just play 10 more minutes, because I can get this one more email out or get dinner on the table. But right now you're setting these expectations and you're setting the trust because if you don't follow through with it your kids won't trust the task you ask of them. The next time It'll get better, I promise. You can definitely expand the amount of time over time, but for now this week very short period of time and making sure you honor that. Now for older kids, you can play around with it a little bit. You can write three short play tasks on a whiteboard that they can do within a, say, 30-minute time frame. It allows them a little bit more flexibility of what they want to do, but still has the parameters of just those three things in that 30-minute period. It's something you can also work towards and scaffold towards for kids who are younger Now.
Charlene:
I hope today's episode helped you see playtime a little differently and a lot more clearly. I hope you can hit subscribe so we can keep making play easier. But I really want you to remember that amazing play isn't about having tons of toys. It's about giving our kids the clarity they crave. So let's promise right now no more vague go play. Starting today. Let's say go play forthwith. And you got this Until next time, keep playing. Play used to be simple no screens, no schedules, just kids imagination and whatever was around. So let's bring that back by thinking outside the toy box. Until next time, keep it playful and play like it's 1979.
